I am in my mid-thirties. I have not been married before even though I have been in a couple of relationships which did not go well.
My last relationship ended because my boyfriend’s mother outlined some unrealistic conditions she expects me to abide by in the marriage if his son ends up marrying me.
Some of these conditions to include;
raising my first child;
my boyfriend mother said she would be the person to raise my first child when I give birth. She will take the newborn baby from me after delivery so that she can take care of him or her because she sees herself to be more experienced than I am. I even suggested to her to come and stay with us when I deliver so that she can take care of my baby to a certain point where I can take over. But this woman told me that she does not want to meddle in my affair or marriage so she will be in her house whilst I bring the child to her.
I was amazed because I have not seen it done anywhere before that a woman gives birth to her first child, gives him to a different person to raise him whilst the mother does nothing. Upon second thought, I was glad she made her intentions known to me earlier. If I did not know about this until after marriage, life would have been a living hell for me.
Even though I believe that my boyfriend at that time would not agree to this, he is kinda a mummy’s son and I fear he might change along the line and side with his mother. You know how men love their mothers. He will expect you to agree to his mother raising the child for us when he sees no issue with it.
sleeping in our matrimonial room on our first wedding night;
This second condition became a wake-up call for me and a reason to”run for my life”. How on earth can a mother make such decision. You ask yourself if that was what she experience when she got married?.
My boyfriend’s mother’s reason for wanting to sleep in our matrimonial room on our first wedding night is that she raised her son as a “good Christian boy” and her son has never slept with any woman before so since our wedding night would be the first time her son would be having sex, she wants everything to be perfect. That is why it is important she goes with us to our matrimonial home and sleep with us in the same room whilst we have sex.
She also added that after our first night, when she leaves, I should call her to update her on her son’s performance every morning since it will determine if we are going to have a child early or late.
I see this condition to be absurd, hilarious and inconsiderate.
With the above condition, I saw that I was not ready for this drama so I called the relationship a quit.
The other reason why I do not want to marry someone whose mother is alive is because of the stories I hear and have heard from people about the mistreatments they receive from their mothers-in-law and the whole drama that unfold in their marriages.
Most of the married people I interact with are unhappy in their marriages because of the attitudes of their mothers-in-law.
As a result of my decision not to marry a man whose mother is alive, what I do these days when any man approaches me for us to date, is to ask the person about his mother and whether she is alive. If the mother is alive, I end the relationship quickly even if I love the guy. However, those whose mothers have died are not my type of guys or my “taste”.
This has caused a delay in my marriage because almost all the men that have asked me to date them say their mothers are alive. I cannot accept to start a relationship with them or marry them because of my stance.
Not all mothers-in-law are “bad” though. I have encountered great mothers-in-law who treated me well but they later took over my relationship. They did virtually everything for their sons just as I will do for them. They cook, visit, clean, spend the weekend among others. Some of my boyfriends could also be on a call for two hours talking to their mothers whilst I am with them or waiting to speak with them on phone. I, basically, did not have control over my relationship.
I must say that I have not been lucky with relationships and my decision not to marry a man whose mother is alive is making me lose some great men.
However, I still have hope that I will meet the right man soon.